By: Allysen Mahaffey

One thing that makes Christians stand out like a sore thumb in American mainstream culture is views about premarital sex. It is almost unheard of today for someone to wait to have sex before marriage, and if someone does decide to wait because of his or her Christian beliefs, people may look at them strangely or mockingly with disbelief. For instance, think of the Christian tradition involving the so-called “purity ring,” where young unmarried Christians choose to wear a ring symbolizing their commitment to abstinence until marriage. In some church traditions, fathers give their young daughters this “purity ring.” To an onlooker, this might look like these people belong in a different century or are part of a cult-like group that follows the strictest of rules. This is especially true in the context of our contemporary secular culture, which practically worships sex and the idea of it. Sex seems to be everywhere, in advertisements, TV shows, movies, music, magazines and the Internet. How can Christian views about sex, which traditionally teaches the only place for sex is marriage, be so different from contemporary American popular culture? Is Christianity’s mainstream view about premarital sex too old-fashioned for today’s culture?

Sexual temptation is nothing new, and has been around since the beginning of time. The biology of our bodies and the feelings, passion, and lust that arise in a relationship is something Christians have dealt with for a long time. Today’s culture, however, does not make things any easier for Christians to strive for sexual purity until marriage. For many, making the choice to wait may sound insane. It is much easier to be like everyone else then rather stand out and be that person who is still a virgin, and will be until…when, marriage?! Perhaps it was easier when the mainstream American culture agreed that sex should be saved for marriage only. American popular culture views about sex drastically changed during the 1960s, a decade famous for the Civil Rights Movement and anti-war demonstrations, but also known for its cultural revolution. The Baby-Boomer generation led the way for what is known as the “Sexual Revolution.” Amongst other things, views about sex drastically changed. For example, “free love” came about and is described as unrestricted sexual practices and a casual attitude towards sex. People were “freed” of sexual boundaries and rules, and premarital sex was no longer such a taboo or hidden deed. However, this much more relaxed, open view about sexual behavior did not come without negative consequences, such as unwanted pregnancies and an increase in sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS. These negative consequences did not stop American culture from continuing on become more relaxed about premarital sex, however. After all, here we are half a decade later, as a generation that does not quite remember chastity as ever being the norm.

Not only is sex everywhere, it is also celebrated greatly. Premarital and casual sex is the standard behavior for characters in TV and movies, and the basis for lyrics for many popular songs and magazine articles. Pornography is also more accessible than ever, and is an industry that makes billions of dollars annually. Rarely does our popular culture focus on the long list of possible negative aspects of casual sex. A fictional character in a TV show or movie that indulges in casual sex hardly gets a STD, an unwanted pregnancy, or deals with negative emotional aspects tied to sex. If one of these issues should arise, they are solved in an unrealistic timeslot. For example, think of the popular sitcom Friends. The characters of this show have premarital sex frequently; yet deal with very little negative consequences, except for one unwanted pregnancy. However, the mother and father end up together in the end, are over 30 years old and financially stable. Although this is just one TV show, it is representative of the problem with the way sex is viewed and dealt with in our popular culture. Much of it seems to say that sex is extremely important and vital in a dating relationship, that you should have it as much as possible, and if you do not have it frequently, you are not a man or are a prude.

Some might say that Christianity needs to keep up with contemporary culture, or it may become irrelevant and outdated. Sure, this may be true for the type of music that is played during a worship service or how people dress for church, but should this really be the answer for a serious and important issue such as sex? Sex is not as simple, and the choices we make about it can be life changing. Did God give us boundaries for the sake of giving us rules because He doesn’t want us to have fun, or is there something more to these moral guidelines? Many people, including the non-religious and religious, often claim rules that religion place on people restrict individual freedom and choice. Perhaps the Christian church is somewhat at fault as well for over-emphasizing these rules so greatly instead of Christ’s grace, mercy, and freedom.

It is important to read what the Bible has to say about sex and its boundaries. Just like other sayings and phrases in the Christian tradition such as the “Holy Trinity” or the “Second Coming,” an exact phrase condemning premarital sex does not exist in the Bible, which does not make things exactly easy. However, there are verses that infer God does not want His followers to live in sexual immorality, which amongst other things includes premarital sex. Both 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 and Ephesians 5:3 say to “flee sexual immorality.” The passage in 1 Cor. 6 also says that our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit, and that people who sin sexually sin against their own body. In 1 Cor. 7, Paul wrote that men and women should get married to avoid burning with lust and fornication (defined as having sex outside of marriage). Having sex or satisfying lust is of course not the only reason for marriage in the Bible, but the language used in these verses makes it clear that God does not want us to engage in sexual immorality, including premarital sex, and for good reason.

In can be extremely difficult for a young Christian couple to wait to have sex before marriage. When two people are in love, it feels natural and right to advance their physical relationship. However, even our own feelings can lie to us.  In the moment, what we think is right and what may feel great may not be the best for us. The world around us is also constantly lying to us. “Free-love” is an ironic term that is not so freeing after all when you consider all of the possible negative and life-changing consequences that such a relaxed view about sex brings about. Sex may feel right and good at the time, but like many other things in life, it may turn sour if practiced outside of the boundaries God gave us. As Christians, we believe God is the Creator and Sustainer of our universe and humankind. If this is true, then we must trust He knows a lot more about what is good for us then what the world and our minds tell us. God has made boundaries for a reason, and these boundaries are not to restrict us but to ultimately set us free. Many parts of the Bible celebrate sex in the context of marriage, and it is important to remember that God created our bodies and sex as good and beautiful things. Sex in the context of marriage is an intimate and important act, as well as a gift from God. Unfortunately, sex has been perverted into what American mainstream culture thinks of it today. Things like casual sex, promiscuity, and pornography, are hurtful to society, as well as demeaning and destructive to women, men, and relationships. It is not what God intended for sex or us. God did not create sexual and other boundaries to hinder our fun, yet to ensure we can enjoy life to the fullest without so much unnecessary worry.